Wounds & Scars

I’m used to write about hope, about love, about beauty, even the beauty of life. Who am I kidding? No I don’t - Life isn’t easy, never was, never will… I used to watch others and admire them, see how happy they were… Or how blind they could be, only to see their wounds. Not some scratches, deep wounds. Things that changed them, than would have changed me. In my naivety I can’t help but think “Somebody heal them, heal them, get away, It never happened, please be a lie, please let me forget”. I know it sounds depressing, and nobody should live life in such a negative note, but, to deny the cruelty of this world and the suffering of people, and even our own, is to live an illusion. Because it doesn’t matter what you do, you can’t fully heal deep wounds, because they leave scars.

In similarity with some physical scars, emotional scars don’t quiet hurt, they’re just there, an impression of what the wound was. The shape, the color, all there, only to remind you of the pain, of the embarrassment, and is like getting hit all over again. Almost like when you lose someone you love. – You cry yourself to sleep, you wake up just like any other day, and then… You remember… And if the sun was shinning, birds were singing at sigh of the morning, even then, you go from smiling to pale… Because is like getting that phone call from the hospital all over again. And you go from paradise to hell in one second. No wonder some loses cause scars. But you can also move on!... Not it’s like a choice or something… You don’t chose to get over something, you don’t chose your feelings, but you can still have to pro-active on doing so.And because everything as an end, when the “mourning” stage is over, you feel stronger. So, no, I won’t be easier, life only get’s difficult, but with your own hand, life will be better… I Hope So. At least, I made an unpact with sadness, thanks to the ones I love.

EXO's "Miracles in December" Review

  I know, I know, I’m seriously late on this one,  it was released months ago… But! I have my reasons for being late. The most important one is that personally sometimes, when I listen to a new song, one possible first reaction is obviously not loving it. It was what happened with “Growl” for example – at first I didn’t quiet enjoyed, but a few weeks passed, I played it again one or two times, and BANG! It grew on me. Even now I don’t like “Growl” as much as I like “Wolf” (which was instant love), but I can listen to it and enjoy. Why am I saying this? Well, because with “Miracles in December” my nose twitched as a first reaction once again, and because I actually love EXO so much, I wanted to wait and see if my opinion changed before saying anything… So, here I am J

  Let’s start by introducing the song – Miracles in December. A song by EXO as form of gratitude to the fans for their success in 2013… *sees translation of the lyrics* “Just by thinking about it, I can fill the world up with you, Because each snowflake is your each tear drop”. Ahh… I’m sorry, but this is actually something that EXO usually does that I do not understand, and although this lyrics aren’t that compromising, it’s not the first time that They write something like this to the fans. We all know how EXO fans’ reputation is, rigth? To say words as deep  as the ones in the lyrics and dedicate them to people who you don’t even know?? Knowing how obsessive they are?? How does that make sense?

  I’m sorry, let’s move on to what really matters. The Christmas theme! I don’t understand why it seems that doing a Christmas Album or song is some kind of a Boys bands ritual. I mean, even N’SYNC made one back in the day. Although the melody and MV have Christmas spelled on them, the lyrics to aren’t about Christmas itself, it’s more like a love story (Oh, wait! They’re thanking  the fans… Yeah, right), and I like that. EXO has an hability to take something that has already been done and actually make it original and not boring. They did it with “Wolf”, and now with this song again. And the melody and their voices is pretty nice to hear, it flows and is sweet.  

  One thing that’s new to this song, is the formation: Only vocals included. And I must say, I also didn’t quiet liked this new formation. In the beginning not so much, but at the end, I didn’t felt that it was an Exo’s song, I felt that it was a Chen, Baekhyun and D.O/Luhan’s song… I’m sorry, but it was how I felt, I missed seeing them perfume as 12, and I missed that even more, when only the vocals started to perform and doing the promotions by themselves. I honestly feel like SM here should have gone back to the basics – use the vocals of EXO-K and EXO-M to do the Korean and Chinese version respectively instead of mixing things up. And I also say this because I feel that Suho and Lay voice’s would perfectly fit this song. And D.O would be perfectly capable of hitting Chen’s high notes in the Korean version (just listen to the beginning of MAMA – Korean version), and so would Baekhyun (altough They aren't as clean as Chen). But oh well, I guess you can’t argue with S.M… And changes are good. I mean… They sounded great.

  I know I shouldn’t complain even tough I still missed them as a whole, because Luhan is my ultimate bias, and I got to see him killing it actually. Which leads me to one good point of the song – the Chinese version, which in this case, to the ears of many listeners is slightly better than the Korean version. Not that the Korean is bad either but I think we can all agree that in the past, EXO kind of neglected the Chinese version in a sense that the lyrics didn’t sound as good…  (specially in “Growl”). Not the case here.

So, in the end, my impression of the song as whole haven’t changed, a few things still make me twitch my nose. Although I can’t say is bad either…  We can’t deny how beautiful the song is. But I think I would just prefer to wait for something more BANG as Wolf instead of having the members so tired and realizing this Album so soon.

  

So, my final verdict,(taking both versions in consideration) is… 3 Stars in a total of 5. And I’ll leave the MV’s of the two versions for you to enjoy.

The "Anesthesia" effect

  To enter in college, to start working on a job, or even to start a new romantic relationship or travel to a new city, you name it. Many experiences require work, sacrifices. Because it’s all so new, so fun, so fascinating, and even include new people on our lives, we may not even notice time passing by. And all the efforts and sacrifices? Barely noticeable. I would like to call this, the "anesthesia" effect. Because this is the entrance into the adults’ world, everyone is allowed to go by their own pace and take their own time, find balance. Unless you’re disappointed with your own results (which is a whole other subject), it’s all good. You don’t feel pain doing those unpleasant things like studying and waking up early (ewww).

  Well… Reality check: In similarity with the real anesthesia, the effect it’s different from person to person. Everybody has their own limits, but the end is always the same – it fades away. In a medical situation, if the wound is not healed- more anesthesia; If the wound is healed- Good, no pain, next! But that doesn’t apply to your daily life… And guess what! It only get’s harder, more difficult, more demanding, not easier, so at some point, it’s going to freaking hurt.

   This is where you lose your innocence. You have crisis. Different people react different ways – you can just go “I don’t give a f*ck” and party it all out (Because obviously friends help, so does family, but I don’t need to say that this path doesn’t end well, do I?). You can also find a productive escape, a hobby, an alternative – when well chosen, this actually really works. That was what I did, for example. I chose something that I truly adore, that has nothing to do with my major, where I met new people, and even now I can say that I love it. I wouldn’t trade for anything else, but at the end of the day, it is just a hobby, not the major focus of my life. So the anesthesia effect may only temporary. If by this point, you haven’t found a solution to your pain… Take a day off. It is needed sometimes. You might clear you mind and heart and refill your body with energy.

   So, sorry, there’s no magical recipe… Some things work, others don’t, it depends on many things… And a lot of people actually just have to endure it. Well… As I said, this is the adults’ world, right? And I made clear that this isn’t a physical pain, is psychological, right? So do something that adults do: bear with it, control it with the best of your abilities, suck it up. Because the efforts that you’re doing today, will only make you have a bigger skin tomorrow. And I’ll promise that next Monday I’ll read this before going to class as a motivation source.

Introvertion

  

Hello my fellow introverts… Was’up?!… Been introverting much?
  Agh… I know, I know! My jokes are bad… My apologies! Won’t do it again, I swear! But honestly…  Not that is an excuse or something… But would you believe me If I said that there’s a reason why I suck at jokes?... Yeah, guilty… I’m an introvert! And I’m not alone, or ashamed of it. Well… I do get embarrassed easily, but… The truth is, many misunderstanding are made about an introvert personality, misunderstandings that possibly are making you say “Why the hell is she proud of being an introvert?? That’s a bad thing!”. Well, let me just clarify two facts straight ahead.
  Fact nr 1: Society and it’s stupidity not only prefer, but also clearly benefits extroverts, even though the person in question don't deserve such privilege...  Those bastards… Go ahead introverts, call them names! I’ll let you just this one time.  This leads me to fact nr 2!
  Fact n2: Extroverts usually are very stupid and dumb… Do they seriously have a brain? I doubt it… I think I’m going to investigate more about that one my thesis in the end of my major in Psychology.
Ahhhh, my apologies, I know I promised I wouldn’t do that again… scratch that, this is the real fact nr 2:

  Fact nr2: Introverts many times are mistaken by anti-socials.

  Now listen to me, because I’ll only say this once… INTROVERTS ARE THE OPOSITE OF ANTI-SOCIAL!!! GOT IT? Good… And trust me on this, I’m a Psychology student! But Why I say this after all? It’s simple! Anti-social by definition are people with self-confidence, self-esteem and an evaluation about themselves too high. Basically, They think They are the best thing there is, so They treat everyone else as inferiors, and that’s why They can’t function well in society. Introverts on the other hand, have so low self-confidence and self-esteem that can’t help but feeling nervous and anxious on social situations, especially situations than involve a crowd of people (as for example, a public presentation). That’s why many times we are confused by anti-social, because being in that situations is distressful, agonizing even… And because of that clear uncomfortable state, we usually have an unpleasant expressions, or even behaviors, as being quite and keeping things to ourselfs (we introvert things, after all). But there’s also other thing that separates us from anti-social… They don’t like other people; They think they’re too good for them! We seek other people! We seek affection, friendship, love, endearment as anyone else… And many times, that is deprived from us, just because we’re not so “charismatic”, and sometimes people don’t seem understand that this anxiousness isn’t something that just disappears. Many times we are also succesfull, and have a pleasing social life, but still, you can understand that we sometimes can have a bad time.
  It doesn’t matter if you’re a charming and kind extrovert, or even an evil anti-social… Hate and discrimination will only come back at you! We all can be many things! But believe me, kindness it is the most valuable feature, so next time you see someone shaking before an oral presentation, give them a smile and a thumbs up! If you’re in a party with a group of people, and you see someone who is at the corner and seems to want to say something but can’t spit it out? Chat with them, one on one, nothing more is precious to us than that. Does this description makes you remember someone you know? Send them a message! (By the way, my cellphone number is +351… AFF Fine, I’m just kidding, I’ll stop it, I’ll stop it… ^^’).

  And please… Don’t mistake us for some rude anti-social, or just someone who is simply shy or quite who knows what to say, when to say it… (Remember, we are clumsy by nature, we never know what to say, we’ll never will!).

  I dare you to try and discover all the secret treasures that lies on the heart of any introvert.

And to end this matter, I here give to you, the same subject abborded by someone who you'll might like to hear:

Faith

  I’m afraid today I’m going to touch one of the mostly wisely avoidable topics… No, it’s not Politics (hate that)… It’s Religion! TA-DA! I know, I know… “Why the hell would we want to read your opinion or your beliefs??”… Don’t worry! I do not come here to judge or impose my ideals, that’s not the point of my blog at all… I’m not even going to say which one is the Religion that I grew up with. So If you were expecting that, I’m sorry but you probably should stop reading this… Because, this is going to be just one more of my post where I say everything, without saying anything concrete at all… I’m sorry, but I don’t believe in extremes. But for a start, because is such a delicate topic, I will start to clarify some major points:

•           Do I believe in God? I don’t know… Yes, I suppose.
•           Have I the tendency to believe in what I can’t see? No, not at all.
•           Am I Religious? Yes.
•           Do I practice that said religion? Not much.
•           Do I agree with Gay marriage? Yes. Love is love, for God’s sake! (ahah… Saw what I did here?)
•           Do I agree with abortion? No… Life should be the most treasured thing in this world.
•           Do I think that my religion and its own followers are better than the others? Absolutely Not.
•           Do I hate or have something against atheists? No!
•           Do I hate who is so passionate about other religions beside mine? No!
•           Do I have difficulty to comprehend the last two groups mentioned? Sometimes yes, sometimes not, as with everyone else.
•           Don’t I understand that these answers seem somewhat hypocrites because of their incoherence? Well… Yes…

  And that’s it… There you have it: a clear a simplified scheme of my opinions… I don’t know why, but people always seem to need this- a logical and understandable scheme of things… Other way, it’s very difficult for us to accept what it’s being said to us… Well, I’m sorry, but I think that specially when it comes to religion It’s stupid to only be logical… You have to listen to your heart! And everyone has a heart (…I think).

  I don’t think that I’m the one being hypocrite just because If I’m liberal enough to accept gay marriage then I should be liberal enough to accept abortion… Or I should do I as my religion says… That’s major bullsh*t (mind my language). Being religious shouldn’t be about being conformist and accept all the ideals pre-formed by some religion many years ago, it should be “I believe in this religion, as the base of my belifs, values and actions”…  I mean, I believe that is pretty difficult to actually agree with everything that the Bible says, or that the Alcoran or any other religious book or person says… And I also can’t comprehend people who say that without Religion we would be a much more advanced society in many aspects such as technologically… Although I can see where that comes from…  But still… That’s stupid!! Because of wars?? Please!  Don’t you comprehend the nature of the human being? We seek war, we seek our protection, our ambitions, religion by itself didn’t cause those wars, MEN caused those wars. And by the way… many times, but MANY times in history, societies were in danger of collapsing, disappear… You know what made them go through? Survive? FAITH! Where that faith did came from? Yeah… “God”! So no, without Religion we wouldn’t be a more sophisticated society… We would be dead… Or transformed in a bunch of robots… worse than animals! But that’s no reason to justify or making everything about your life also about God either.

  I think that the ones being hypocrites are the ones who don’t see anything besides what’s in front of them… Or the one who only see what’s not in front of them! Because, whatever you want it or not, Religion will always be hand with hand with faith… And that big word right there, is dictated only by your heart. So please… Remember that next time you encounter a conflict of beliefs… Whatever that conflict lays within yourself, or between you and other person… You can’t go wrong, when your heart say it’s right… And following that, respect is deserved andreceived, and faith can makes us do the most incredible things… And the most stupid ones as well.

Change

It seems like is when we’re having a tough time that we tend to eager more for a change, for a life turning event. Moving to a new home, a new country, changing to a new job or a new school, enter in college, go in a big trip, meeting new people, start a new serious relationship with someone, live with somebody else, becoming a parent. So many things can change our behavior and life’s perception. It takes only one of that events happening to somebody close to us that make us think differently.  And as we get older, is those changes that make us mature, grow in mind and spirit. And nothing says that those changes are going to be good, as matter of fact, many can be bad. We got to be humble, strong, face forward… That sounds cliché, I know, but only If you are able to conquer new responsibilities, to let go some things of your past that give you comfort but don’t give you independence (like daddy and mummys home) and lead you to be stuck in the same place for a long time, only then you’ll be able to embrace those changes in your life a became a fulfilled adult. Well… I see only advantages in change, isn’t that right? No wonder when life seems crappy, you desire change… Things get better! And you probably have that humble part down, because things haven't been easy. And let’s face it, you’re young, you should take advantages of the opportunities that you have while you can, of course! Not when you’re older.

That’s all true… But let just think things through… And some parents will love and thank me what I’m about to say right now… But you don’t have to go extreme… You don’t have to run away to a new country just as a way to erase the rest, for example! And we all know that it's not easy to grow up, but sometimes it's the little things that make the difference! And with time, If we grow up, we learn to select what matters and what doesn’t, and cope with it. And things like always saying “I don’t give f*ck” as mechanism of defense that sometimes is enforced in nowadays society, will disappear… Be honest, If you really don’t give a f*ck, you wouldn’t be saying that, or as matter of fact, you wouldn’t even be talking about it.

Regret

                                      

“If only I knew then what I know now”, “If only I could go back in time”, “If only I could resay or redo things I’ve said and done”, so cliché and used words that spell one only word: Regret.

I’ve already talked about how “what if’s” could influence our minds, how illusions are part of our lives… But the mistakes or the things that we wanted to do but didn’t do after all, can easily haunt us as well. To look back at a phase we were at in our lives and think “wow, that sucked, why did I put up with that?”, or even “why did I hang out with that person at all?”, and even if we don’t want it, that phase will always be part of us, there’s nothing we can do about it. Sometimes it hurts to look back, sometimes we feel ashamed remembering some episodes that happen that day because of that thing. These are normal reactions, and sometimes we take it in and learn from experience, and we even think that this new knowledge is our highest truth and the slogan of our lives. We think “Oh, I’m so wise, I’ve been through so much”, even If we learn that humility is a thing to value. We forget that the things that we’re experiencing now, are also object of evaluation, reflection, thinking… And that kind of attitude can bring us trouble too, and with that, before we know it, we’re hurting again.

People won’t change just because you changed. Mean people will still exist, people older than us that are more immature will still exist, people younger than us that are more wiser than us will also still exist. People won’t adapt to you, the world won’t adapt to you, and just because you have some self-called skills, you have no right to demand that same skill from others. And this, this is what’s called humility, and If you have it, karma will have less reasons to affect you, and life will smile to you. New beginnings are real, kind people are real, people who value that same things as you, are also real… So treat them well, If you feel insecure, don’t charge them with that by using aggression, don’t take them for granted, don’t give them reasons to bring your worst side to the surface, because that way, you’ll regret that later, and once again regret fills your mind and heart, and a never ending cycle is formed.